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Posted on 2006.04.30 at 14:02
"Have you considered the path you will take?" Master Jeneru queried once again as we walked through the hall of remembrances. The last time we had been here it was for revelation, and it seemed that this day would be like in kind to that one. This question came up all too often these days.

"It has been a year since we were here." I said absently, "There are another 200 names after Jedi Kev Reece."

"This is leading toward an answer?" Master Jeneru queried. It was not impatience that motivated him, I knew from experience, but rather my tendency to go off on tangents and forget what I was about.

"Oddly, yes, the comments are related." I replied earnestly, "Once again, or perhaps still, the Jedi ranks are thinning. I have decided that there are too few of us who dedicate ourselves completely to the lightsaber. Some of us must learn in order to ensure the survival of our brothers and sisters. I believe I will be one of those."

"The lightsaber does not make the Jedi, Kivan." My Master responded.

Always tested, I thought. It was odd to hear a Jedi Weapons Master take that line of thinking, but he was right - for the most part.

"Yes, but there come times," I said while gesturing at the black wall of names, "When a lightsaber is all that stands between the Jedi and extinction. Too often of late, the phiosophy that dictates a Jedi's knowledge of his weapon does not define him results in death."

"The order is failing Master. Others may not see it, but I do - I see it all too well."

"So you remind me often," He said, smiling, “But we see it too Kivan, even if we do not always discuss it with you."

"So you are saying that when the time comes, you will follow the path of the Guardian?"

"Yes, for a time, and then perhaps weapons master - at some point I will leave that path for another yet to be determined, but I have a creed I need to follow. I think I will be something new - or maybe something old returned. I feel something calling to me, and I don't yet understand what it is."

"Outside the Jedi code? I'm listening." He said, and the interest in his voice was evident.

"The Darkside Gathers and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no undue honors nor concern myself with glory. I shall live and die at my post, alone if must be. I am the light that drives back the darkness. I am the watcher in the stars. I am the lightsaber that burns against the cold, the light that reveals the dawn. I am the shield that guards the Republic. I pledge my life to the Force, for this night and all nights to come." I intoned with fervor.

"Interesting," Master Jeneru said without showing any emotional attachment, “And what, pray tell, brought on this?"

I pointed at the wall silently. It took all my concentration to sooth my emotions.

“And would I be surprised to learn you have spent much time studying the Mandalorian Culture?" He asked.

Master Jeneru would hardly be surprised at anything I studied. This was his way of telling me he was monitoring the data I accessed, and that he noted the Sith Wars and Mandalorian Wars received a large amount of my attention.

"It is my studies of History, yes. You know I find their allegiance to one another compelling. If you could combine the Mando Way with the Path of the Jedi then you would have a very effective Jedi. And . . . I think I can follow the Jedi Code and still follow the tenets of other traditions as well - without being untrue to the order." I admitted reluctantly. I shrugged as we continued to walk.

"I see," He mused, "Though I daresay the council would be unhappy with your line of thinking."

"Are you disappointed in me," I asked, suddenly concerned. I was overly concerned with my master's approval, I knew, but he was my family.

We walked in silence for a moment as he led me to another area of the Temple.

"No Kivan," He finally said, "But I am somewhat concerned at how others will look at this. You are far too vocal and reckless in your criticism of the order you so love. Sometimes I think you would have been better off as Qui-Gonn’s padawan, had he lived. Perhaps you should keep your studies and thoughts to yourself for a while. I need to consider how we should incorporate your new ideals into your training."

“I think I have the master the Force intended me to have,” I said reverently, “and I will do as you ask.”

Behind the characterCollapse )

Doubts and Fears

Posted on 2006.02.22 at 17:38
Current Mood: deviousdevious
Current Music: Armored Saints
  As I scanned the names for the example he was looking for he gasped. Three of the names I knew personally. All had died within a month of one another, all within the same system. I scanned for the name I was seeking, and at the last second decided to incorporate the new names in my example. Better to go too far than not far enough, I reasoned.
  “Master Kai Orlams, Jedi Kel-Sah Parah, Jedi Kirith Mal, Jedi Kev Reece,” I said as I pointed to each one, “all died within 6 galactic months of each other. There are 100 other names separating the four of them.”
  Can it be true that they are gone? I wondered.
  Master Jeneru looked at the long black wall and sighed, waiting.
  “The order is fading. Today we are 10,000 plus, tomorrow we are a memory. It is not a long Journey from 10,000 to none Master.”
  He nodded thoughtfully, so I continued.
  “We . . . you, are permitted to take only one padawan. However, the best of our masters could teach more. Maybe four at a time, maybe more. Each year dozens of hopefuls get passed over. Not because they aren’t qualified to be padawans, but because there are not enough Jedi to teach them. We have an untapped resource to replenish and strengthen the order. I think we should take it. Instead we are wasteful of what the Force has given us.”
  “But this also has to do with the lightsaber hilts, and with attachments.” I said, my voice lowering.
  “The order tells us we should be free from attachments. That our duty is to the Force, the Order, The Republic and ourselves – in that order.”
  Suddenly I was uncertain that I wanted to continue. I wrestled with the thoughts in my mind and they seemed dangerously close to slipping away from me.
  “Continue Kivan,” he said
listen inCollapse )

Posted on 2006.02.17 at 14:55
  “However, my personal research, and several of the lessons taught concerning those who fall to the dark side, shows that there have been at least 12 groups of dark Jedi who have arisen in the last 1000 years. It is conceivable that there were more. Perhaps even among those whom we were never told about - those who left the order never to return.”
  “These were Jedi raised by Jedi, and yet they still turned away. Moreover, if Master Obi-Wan’s encounter can be taken as an example we know that the Sith are not dead. The council does not discuss it with us, of course, but gossip and whispers have always circulated through the younglings, hopefuls and padawans.”
  I turned toward one of the burning candles and focused on the flame. Unconsciously I assumed an at-ease stance while he continued
  “Therefore it would seem to me that the adage, “Bring up your child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not part from it,” is correct in most situations - but not all. The order does in fact still produce groups who, for all intensive purposes, serve the dark side. Moreover, while our training is centralized, our order is scattered. There are slightly more than 10,000 Jedi Knights and Masters. Only two to three thousand are at the temple at any one time. The rest are scattered across the galaxy and difficult to monitor. I do not think it any coincidence that many of those who end up leaving the order are those who have been away the longest. Training our order from childhood has not successfully addressed the problem of the dark side.”
I thought for a moment and then settled on a course for continuing my line of thinking.
“Will you walk with me Master?”
“Of course, Kivan.”
We stepped into the halls and began to walk through the temple. I led us through the hall of fountains and past the incredible gardens. After several minutes of walking we came into the hall of remembrances. The list which covered the walls comprised of those who had given their lives in service to the order and the Republic. That list continued to grow daily, even as the list of active Jedi shrank. I stared at the walls silently as new names illuminated the flat black surface of the walls. By each name was a small dot of colored light, and a name representing the planet and system where the Jedi had died.

Posted on 2006.02.15 at 15:35
  I started out quickly, so that I wouldn't lose track of my train of thought.
  “As you know Master, I am keenly interested in History and Jedi Lore. I spend a lot of my time searching for the possibility of lost Jedi secrets, techniques, or teachings which will help with the decline of our order.”
  He nodded as he continued to listen. He has always waited for me to complete my thought before commenting. It is a trait I admire though I myself have yet to master it.
  “After the Sith War, and again after the Battle of Ruusaan, the Jedi Council began to make changes in the way we did things. Changes that at a glance seem to be logical and well thought out. A Jedi is forbidden to form any outside relationships which involve attachments. There are of course certain Jedi who are given permission to marry, but that is very rare.”
  I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts and then continued.
“Until recently the order only took on infants and toddlers to begin training. This is also an outcome of the changes 1000 years past. Anakin and I are two of the few students accepted for training at such an old age. Adults are considered too susceptible to the dark side. And finally, each master may take only one student – one padawan, and then only with the blessing of the council.”
  Again Master Jeneru nodded, this time as if contemplating where my comments were taking us.
  “I think,” I said even more slowly, “that the order was wrong, and that the council was wrong. My studies bring me to the conclusion that the order, knowingly or unknowingly, may have acted out of fear when these rules were created. We have enforced them based on the perceived logic of the situation. But they now seem reactionary, and the examples we have since they were made seem to show them as . . . false or misguided.”
  I used to force to keep me calm and dispassionate as I concentrated on my thoughts. Sometimes it could be unsettling when a master waited for me to finish before he commented.

Posted on 2006.02.15 at 14:14
  Master Jeneru smiled at me for a moment as he examined the work I had completed.
  “Kivan, did you honestly think I didn’t know? I decided the first time I saw you with them that you would tell me when you were ready.” He said. He looked closely at the hilt I had formed from my mother’s old weapon.
  “I thought Kyra would never complete this hilt to her satisfaction when she was my Padawan.” He said, still smiling and gazing off into the distance. “She was a lot like you, except less rebellious and with fewer questions.”
  “I never knew your father personally, but I taught many Crèches and Clans the art of lightsaber construction. I remember Arillian though, because he completed this weapon before he was old enough to be a padawan. We were all impressed by the design and I was disappointed when no one took him on as a padawan. To be honest, until I saw you with it, I thought the order had taken it when he left for the Explorer Corps. There was no mistaking the design though.” Then he handed them back to me, and waited for me to finish.
  I searched for the right words for what I want to say, but it seems there are never really any right words.

Posted on 2006.02.15 at 14:10
  It was a long while before I walked down the hall and up to my masters chamber. I wondered idly as I walked whether guilt could lead to the dark side. So many other things could after all.
  As I stood in the door I struggled to marshal my courage. It was difficult to apologize even when I was wrong – which seemed to be often.
  “Master,” I said as I stepped into the rooms, “I am sorry. You have been good to me, and you deserve my respect. I should not have spoken that way, but I allowed my emotions to interfere with my response. I am ready to discuss this further.”
  Maser Jeneru was leaning over some candles he was lighting – candles which I had made for him. He merely nodded and then took a seat on his sleeping pallet. I cleared my throat, searching for where to begin. From the beginning would be best, I decided, and then I began.
  “As I first said, I felt that the lightsaber was not meant for me. Someone else is supposed to have it. My design is slightly better than the ones the order allows us to use until we have our own, and I hope that whoever gets it will learn or discover some techniques which will help them when they make their own lightsaber. So much of what we once knew of light saber construction has been lost”
  I paused for a moment and looked at the empty sconces which lined my Masters chamber. I will have to make him some more meditation candles I thought, momentarily distracted. I reached inside my robe and pulled out the two lightsaber hilts. I handed them to my master and watched as he examined them.
  “These were my parents’, or at least the main parts were machined from lightsabers once owned by my parents,” I say slowly, “I never told you, or anyone else because I was afraid the order would take them from me. I’m sorry I did not tell you before.”


Posted on 2006.02.13 at 21:22
Current Mood: sadsad
  “I am curious why you did not keep the first saber you built Kivan.” Master Jeneru asked from the door of my cell. “It was well constructed. It is all that is required for that part of your training.”
  I was so engrossed in my task that I did not notice him watching me as I worked. Like art, poetry, gardening and music I find lightsaber construction to be relaxing. It centers me. They help to center me, and help me to remember what it is I believe. I should have been mindful of the Force.
  “Yes, you should have,” he chuckled, “But that does not answer my question.”
  I did not realize that I spoke my thoughts aloud.
  “It was not my lightsaber.” I answered
  “Of course it was yours, you built it, machined each part yourself. The care you put into that saber was far more than most Jedi put into their first saber.”
  “No Master, it was not mine. I had a strong feeling that that lightsaber was meant for another padawan. I can’t explain it except to say that the lightsaber I built was not mine. It was the will of the force that it be entered with the other sabers the order keeps for Padawans. Besides,” I said in a joking manner, “you know I fight with two lightsabers. How can my training be complete if I have not finished a second?”
  “Okay, but that is not the whole answer,” he said, “I can sense you are hiding something from me.”
I thought a moment before I answered, however, my words still came out sounding more disrespectful than I intended.
  “Do you really want to hear this, or would you rather hear what I have been taught by the instructors in my training clan?” I cringed as I answered. My Master deserves my respect. If not for his wilingness to teach and the council’s approval I would not be here. He is a good Master, and I learn almost daily from his example. I, however, am not always a good Padawan.
  The expected reprimand did not come.
  “I like to think that we have been friends since you came into my training,” he said, “I have learned as much from you as I believe you have from me. When you are ready to talk, I am ready to hear your answer.”
  Master Jeneru turned and left me to my contemplation.


Posted on 2006.02.13 at 20:06
  I stood silently for a few minutes, using the force to help me focus on tranquility. I sat down on the bed and ran through some exercises to calm myself.
  For some reason I reached under the bed and pulled out the holovid recorder and two lightsaber hilts. Both were gifts from my parents. The hilts were hidden with me when I came to the temple, and the recorder I received just after my family was slaughtered. I’ve watched it all the way through a dozen times, but I hit the activation switch anyway.
  I still gasped when my mother appeared in front of me. Tears filled my eyes unbidden.
  “Kivan,” the familiar voice intoned
  “My Son. Know that we miss you. I am sending you this to act as a reminder, for I fear that your father and I may soon be unable to assist you. I have seen through the force that something may soon separate us. It is difficult to read the Future because it is always in motion, but I wish to be prepared.”
  She paused and looked behind her, then she looked forward again.
  “Be mindful of what I have told you. I do not know what part you will play in the salvation of my people or in the redemption of the Jedi, because it seems that neither is necessary for the present. However, it is certain that you will play a pivotal role. This all hinges on you becoming a Jedi. You must complete your training, no matter what. Remember that we love you, and we are always with you.”
  The holoimage froze with My mother looking forward, smile on her face. I wiped the tears from my face, shut the player off and as a last thought I slid the vidrecorder under the bed.
  I picked up the hilts and pulled out my tool kit. I had assembled a lightsaber many times before- mostly in training, and once as my own - but these were special. They had once been my mother and father’s weapons, and soon they would be mine. I had changed the exterior of each slightly, and added my own slightly more efficient power source. Only a few components remained before the weapons would be complete, and truly mine. I work diligently, checking each of the components I have already installed and carefully reading each passage for the components I wish to add. The first is Straight forward, rugged and forceful like my father who bore it before. The second is slighter, more graceful in appearance yet every bit more deadly – like the mother I remember. As I see it come together on both the construction tutorial and in my mind I cannot help but smile.

The Return

Posted on 2006.02.13 at 19:37
  My Master took me before the council. He always does this when reporting on my progress. However, even though his report was glowing, I felt as though the eyes of the assembly were piercing me with disapproval. The only exception was Master Yoda, because I can never read his expressions.
  It probably shouldn’t matter, because shortly thereafter the Council set Master Jeneru and me to the task of bringing more Naram into the temple as younglings. However, knowing what my mother taught me about her people I felt as though we were being set up for failure. I tried to tell the council, but when I asked for permission to address the council Master Windu made it perfectly clear that my comments were not required. The short version of the mission, the one not written into Master Jeneru’s report, is that we failed.
  We returned with seven younglings out of the thousands who would have qualified.
  The return from our mission to Naram left me more frustrated than I have been in quite some time. All that time traveling through an endless stream of Jumpgates and we return almost empty handed. The Republic fast Courier we used for the Journey could have held so many.
  Certainly my visit with the order's farseeing experts coupled with my embarrassment after facing the council added to this frustration. Why is it that speaking to the Jedi Masters always leaves me more confused than enlightened? For once I would like to have a straight answer – one that allays my fears rather than increasing them.
  And then came the after mission report. Master Jeneru always makes these reports before the council and always requires me to be present.
  “We find this outcome to be most disturbing. We had hoped for more of the Naram to strengthen our numbers.” Master Windu said. He stared at me the entire time he was speaking. I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way, but it left me feeling as though I personally had failed the order. It made me angry.
  “Be mindful of the living force,” was all Master Jeneru said, but it did calm me down for a moment.
  “Kivan, you may go.” Master Windu commanded. It was unusual for me to leave before Master Jeneru was done with his report, but I obeyed without questioning.
  I walked down the hall and made my way down to the cell I had been given When Master Jeneru brought me back here.

Posted on 2006.02.12 at 22:40
I liked this little quiz, so I kept it. However, has anyone noticed that the lightsaber's blade colors are backwards?

Teal is your Lightsaber's color.

The color Teal signifies trustworthiness, devotion

and healing. It is also the indication of a

spiritual guide and natural teacher.

What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

edit. I removed the lightsaber so It wouldn't interfere with my journal formatting. It can still be found on my personal Journal.

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